Rules and Expectations

We set very consistent rules for our kids. The key to setting rules is to think about the long term, rather than just what is happening right now. For example, if every time kids fight over a toy you settle it for them, they will never learn how to solve that problem themselves. We talk through problems, model the behavior we want and set very clear expectations.

When I was teaching, a parent asked me for advice getting their toddler to clean up toys. At the end of each day, the child would throw a fit refusing to clean. The parents tried time out and then each night when it was time to clean up, he would just go sit in time out rather than cleaning up. The parents were frustrated. I suggested we turn it around and look at it from the child's point of view. This was the last thing before bed. By not cleaning, he got to stay up later. When the parents would place him in time out, they would then clean up the toys for him. Clearly, he had this situation figured out. I suggested two changes: 1. Clean up time would now be before a favorite activity - dinner for this particular child 2. If he chose time out, when he got up he would be told to clean up. If he chose time out, the cycle would repeat. The parents were not to clean up or let him off the hook. After a week of consistency he stopped fighting cleaning up his toys. Same problem with the same punishment, yet by just looking at it from the child's perspective we can easily see the flaws in the first plan.

Sweet girl on a slide

Another rule we set early was related to the slide. "Up the steps and down the slide" No extra words, direct and to the point, something to do rather than a negative (don't climb the slide). If you have one child this isn't something you are likely to think about. One child climbing a slide isn't a big deal, however add another child and it's a different story. One child climbing while another is sliding is an injury waiting to happen. Now imagine that child is at the park or school. One or two children climbing while one to four children are sliding and we have multiple injuries. At the beginning of the school year, teachers spend about half of the playground time reminding children of the rules for the slide. Imagine if kids already knew this rule. Teachers would have one less thing to deal with (trust me they have plenty) and kids wouldn't get hurt from this. A few weeks ago I walked past our neighborhood park where a set of parents were teaching their toddlers how to climb the slides. A few minutes later some older kids arrived and within two minutes there was a crash on the slide and the toddlers were crying. The parents were paying attention. They were watching their kids, but couldn't stop the older, faster kids from sliding correctly and kicking their toddlers in the face. Think long term when setting rules.

Learning the rules of the slide

To end on a happy note, here's a video of my kids and husband walking in a train. :)