Hitting

I would love to tell you my kids are sweet, wonderful, perfect, and would never hit (kick, bite, etc.) each other. However, that is so far from the truth it's funny. I don't have photos of my kids hurting each other because I'm always trying to stop it rather than capture it, so once again here's a post with completely inappropriate photos.

Both trying to color in the same place.

My kids aren't the most aggressive kids I've ever met, but they do need help to learn how to handle their aggression. We spent a lot of time talking about how to use our hands. "We have gentle hands. This is how I use my gentle hands. (gently rub their face) Can you show me how to use your gentle hands?" I said it so often it was driving me batty. When you add it things like "We bite food, not friends." and "We kick balls, not people." and you could summarize many months of my life. You will notice each of those examples is giving the child something to do, rather than something not to do. For a child to process a negative statement often takes more time and isn't as likely to stop the behavior.

Playing in the dog's crate.

After wondering when it was finally going to sink in one day my son was frustrated at my daughter for playing with what he wanted (she had it first). He raised his hand as if to hit her and said, "I WANT TO HIT!" My first thought was to do a celebration dance for him using his words. However, I didn't have time for that because his hand was still in the air and he was still staring her down as his face was turning red. I pulled him away and praised him for using his words, but he was still not calming down. That's when I looked around for inspiration. He needed something he could hit. That's when the new rule was instated in our house. If you want to hit, you can hit the kettle bell. You only have to hit it hard a couple of times before the idea of hitting isn't as appealing. Kicking it with bare feet will also teach a quick lesson.

Walking with her hands behind her back. Not a rule, but it does make her look like she's plotting evil.

This is a strange concept, but it works for us. Within a week of this new rule, the hitting and kicking almost completely stopped. I'm sure the fact that we had been working on it for months also had something to do with it, but I can now honestly say my kids aren't as aggressive as many children of the same age. Anytime I can prevent someone from getting hurt I take it as a victory!