The kids have started asking questions about family. Who is my mom? Who
is my dad? Who is my grandma? etc. This has been happening on and off
for a few weeks, but there was always one question they seemed to skip
over.
Today they went ahead and asked. "Daddy, who is your mom?" He told
them his mom died when he was 18. They thought about it for a minute
and then ask if he was sad. (We were in the car and they couldn't see
his face.) He said yes and they continued with the questions.
Eventually
they ask about his grandmother. He said she is also dead. Then they ask
why none of my family was dead. So I explained that my
great-grandmothers are dead. It was a really morbid discussion.
Then Sweet Son asked who his mom was when he was a baby. I explained that I was
their mom when I was pregnant, when they were babies, when they were
little kids, when they will be big kids, and still when they will be
adults. I will always be their mom. Sweet Son seemed comforted by that. Sweet Daughter
requested a new mom who won't make her sleep at night.
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Monday, August 20, 2012
Best Dog Ever!
I'm sure you are tired of my posts about the importance of kids having animals. This post is very different. We found out in May that our beloved dog had advanced cancer that we couldn't treat. We did everything we could to make him comfortable in his last few months.
He may be taller than her, but he still let her dress him up in costumes. Our kids had no concept of death and Rocky was always with us, so we knew this would be difficult. After much research, we decided to just answer their questions directly and with appropriate concrete language. Saying things like the dog has "passed away" or that he is "in a better place" or that we "put him to sleep" doesn't make any sense to a toddler.
We did change our language about when we took Rocky to the doctor. We stopped referring to him as sick because we didn't want them to think every time someone gets sick that they die. They did see the many pills we were giving him every day and knew we were trying to make him feel better. They also couldn't miss the many vet appointments. They knew something was wrong, but didn't realize how bad it was. They did like that toward the end Rocky wore a diaper at night just like they do. It's good to find a silver lining. haha
When the time finally arrived we had someone come stay with the kids while we took Rocky to the vet. My husband and I were with him and needed the time to compose ourselves before going home to explain it to the kids. When we walked in the door, the first thing sweet daughter said was "Where is Rocky?" We sat down on their level and told them that Rocky had died. We explained that he wasn't hurting any more and we wouldn't see him again. They ask many questions, but did seem to get it eventually. We answered their questions and we talk about Rocky any time they bring him up.
People want to know how long it takes for them to forget or stop asking. I'm writing this blog post a year later and can't answer it yet. They still remember Rocky and talk about him. If someone asks if we have a dog, sweet daughter will say, "Rocky died." She says it very matter of factly and even knows to give me a hug after (I tend to get upset still). In fact this week, we were doing dictation about car rides and she said her favorite person to ride in a car with was Rocky when we went to Oklahoma. That was literally a year ago and she still remembers.
Sweet son also remembers Rocky, but in a more concrete way. When he sees a big dog he will run up to it and say it's nice like Rocky. If a dog licks his face he will say it's like Rocky, etc.
He may be taller than her, but he still let her dress him up in costumes. Our kids had no concept of death and Rocky was always with us, so we knew this would be difficult. After much research, we decided to just answer their questions directly and with appropriate concrete language. Saying things like the dog has "passed away" or that he is "in a better place" or that we "put him to sleep" doesn't make any sense to a toddler.
We did change our language about when we took Rocky to the doctor. We stopped referring to him as sick because we didn't want them to think every time someone gets sick that they die. They did see the many pills we were giving him every day and knew we were trying to make him feel better. They also couldn't miss the many vet appointments. They knew something was wrong, but didn't realize how bad it was. They did like that toward the end Rocky wore a diaper at night just like they do. It's good to find a silver lining. haha
When the time finally arrived we had someone come stay with the kids while we took Rocky to the vet. My husband and I were with him and needed the time to compose ourselves before going home to explain it to the kids. When we walked in the door, the first thing sweet daughter said was "Where is Rocky?" We sat down on their level and told them that Rocky had died. We explained that he wasn't hurting any more and we wouldn't see him again. They ask many questions, but did seem to get it eventually. We answered their questions and we talk about Rocky any time they bring him up.
People want to know how long it takes for them to forget or stop asking. I'm writing this blog post a year later and can't answer it yet. They still remember Rocky and talk about him. If someone asks if we have a dog, sweet daughter will say, "Rocky died." She says it very matter of factly and even knows to give me a hug after (I tend to get upset still). In fact this week, we were doing dictation about car rides and she said her favorite person to ride in a car with was Rocky when we went to Oklahoma. That was literally a year ago and she still remembers.
Sweet son also remembers Rocky, but in a more concrete way. When he sees a big dog he will run up to it and say it's nice like Rocky. If a dog licks his face he will say it's like Rocky, etc.
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