May horseback riding

After 3 seasons of horseback riding, I realized this would be our last. The kids love it, but it's getting to be too much. It's not close to our house and as our schedules get busier something had to give. Since the seasons were short anyway - can't ride if it's too hot, too cold, or rainy - I knew we could find other sports to take up our time. Hopefully cheaper ones as well, haha.

Sweet Daughter leading Annie

Sweet Son getting all the gear to put on the horse.

Sweet Son doing 2 point with no hands

 Sweet Son having his horse do figure 8's without an instructor leading.

 The kids learned so much and I can't say just how much of a help this program was for us. The increased gross motor skills were obvious, but the increased social skills, the awareness of the needs of others, the confidence were all noticeable as well. If you are able to let your kids try out a good riding program, go for it. You won't regret it.

MLK Jr.

Every year I read the kids MLK Jr's famous speech. Each year I ask the kids what it was about with varying degrees of understanding. This year they were confused by one thing. Why wouldn't people who are black and white be the same? Sweet Daughter even added, "It's just skin color, it's not anything important like if they know how to follow the rules." I tried explaining that in the recent past people believed the darker your skin color the worse of a person you were. Sweet Son exclaimed, "That's just rude!" They both named people they are friends with who have different color skin. They both pointed out that they are darker than I am. (haha, I know) They are glad MLK Jr did something so that people would be nice to each other.

They were most surprised to find out not everyone agreed and that some people wanted to hurt him. Sweet Daughter said, "Maybe it was a baby who tried to hurt him because they don't know the rules." I said there were many adults who were upset at the idea of all people being equal. Sweet Son said, "But why? That's not logical!"

I love my kids.

Gender Roles

We were at the library and they have a play kitchen set up. My kids join the others playing in this area. An older girl (5?) looked down at Sweet Son and said, "Boys don't cook." He stood up and said, "They do if they want to eat." He didn't back down and continued playing. I'm really proud of him for standing up for himself.

Pumpkin Patch

I took the kids to the pumpkin patch this afternoon. It's across from our neighborhood, so I put the kids in the wagon and we walked. As we were walking I noticed all of the parking lots full and the dirt lot next to it full also, but the patch itself didn't seem busy. The pumpkin patch is by a church, shares a parking lot with the Y, and there are a bunch of sports fields behind it. I figured the cars were for one of those and we kept going. We got there and the kids got to jump in 2 bounce houses by themselves.

 

Then they got to run around the patch by themselves. They started to do the hay maze and suddenly were overrun by girl scouts (brownies, y-guides, something with green vests and patches). A bunch of 4-6 year old girls who weren't following the rules and were being ignored by all of the adults who were with them.

 

 

We picked out our pumpkins - 1 giant for home, 1 giant for Sweet Daughter's class, 2 medium for Sweet Son's class, and 2 tiny ones for home - and go to pay. I'm waiting for the credit card to process and trying to figure out how to get both kids and the 6 pumpkins home in the wagon. A woman comes over and asks when the girls can go on a hay ride. The man very calmly says that, as he told the other woman who had asked, he can't go until the cars clear out of the dirt lot because he can't turn the trailer around. She asks what the cars are doing there and he points out the hearse and police motorcycles and says it's a funeral. She then gets an attitude and tells him to just go make a quick announcement for those people to move their cars because the girls meeting would be over in 5 minutes and they just can't wait any longer. I almost dropped a pumpkin and the look he gave her was priceless. Needless to say by the time I left the girls still hadn't gotten their ride.

Who in the world would think that request is ok? Aren't the girl scouts (or whatever they were) supposed to teach respect? I'm just flabbergasted by how inconsiderate some people can be.

Daily Life in Rome

There are only so many things you can plan on and research. Some things just happen. This post is a mixture of what we planned and things that just happened.

Our hotel was close to the Roma Termini. This made it easy to take our stuff from the train to our hotel when we first arrived. It also made it easy to catch a bus to all of the tourist stops. Sure, we could have paid a lot more money and taken one of the many tourist buses. But at 1 euro per person per way (our kids were young enough to be free), this was much cheaper. The city buses also stop at all of the tourist stops and our hotel stop was simply the terminal. Even if we didn't understand a word of Italian, we could have gotten around with no problem. It's not like we would miss the Colosseum just by looking out the window after all.

Just walking down a neighborhood street we saw this. Apparently they had just finished redoing the facade of this house. Now I want giant faces around all of our windows.

A little farther down that same street, this family started out of their house. The little girl and sweet daughter took one look at each other. Then they embraced like long lost friends. As they chatted in two different languages, the adults just looked on laughing.

At one point we got lost. We couldn't figure out which way to go. We had been walking longer than we expected. It was raining. I had opened the map so many times it had disintegrated in the rain. We eventually decided to take a taxi back. Not remembering the name of the street our hotel was on, we just told the driver to take us to the train terminal. She didn't complain about walking, but the moment we sat down she was out and didn't wake up until the next morning.

The next day he wanted more nap, so he pretended to sleep in my arms. I'm always up for a good cuddle. It didn't last long before he wanted to walk on his own again.

This was a small cafe we stopped in. We just might have let the kids eat pizza every single day we were in Italy. We also brought along dried veggies which they ate for snack every day. See that large sidewalk just behind me? That's a street. Not just a small side street for motorcycles, there was a city bus stop just out of view. When a car or bus came along, everyone just stepped to the side or in a doorway so that there was room.

 

All of the glasses were real glass. No kids cups or plastic to be found. Luckily the wine glasses had handles that made them easy to handle. The kids loved using the adults glasses and after a few times, I learned to relax and just trust them not to drop.

Historic buildings all around, fountains in the plaza, and people everywhere. When my kids hear music, they decide to dance in the street (literally). If I had just an ounce of their energy I think we would all be better off.

Non-fiction Books

 The photos in this post are not related to the subject.

I have posted before about the variety of books that are always out for my kids to look at and have us read. Out of the many options, my kids have a strong preference for the non-fiction. They love looking at photos, instead of drawings and seem to remember and relate to the non-fiction books better than the fiction. Here are some of their favorite types of non-fiction books.

A real caboose!

Animal books are always interesting. My kids love the zoo and all animals, so reading about them is popular. We even subscribed to 3 different kids magazines about animals. The favorite, by far, is the one from the National Wildlife Federation. They have different magazines for different ages and while almost everyone has heard of Ranger Rick, my kids are still on the Wild Animal Baby stage. The second favorite magazine is from National Geographic. These also have different options for different ages and we are in the Little Kids stage. The other one we tried was through Zoobooks and while decent, it couldn't compete with the other two. That is the one we didn't renew. I guess I'm supposed to add that these are not paid endorsements, my kids just like the magazines.

Don't bother with him, look at me!

Biographies are an odd choice for this age, but my kids enjoy them. They are just starting to understand that different people have different experiences than their own. For example, as a baby, a child who likes strawberries assumes everyone likes strawberries. When, as a toddler, the child realizes some people don't like strawberries it causes a complete shift in their world. This is around the same time they realize that hitting feels different to the hitter and the victim. They lean they can cause reactions from other children and adults. They experiment with this and it often causes what adults perceive as behavior problems. Wow, I'm off topic. Ok, trying to bring it back. Biographies build off of this interest in the experiences of others. Reading about children in other countries and famous people help connect them to the world around them.

I just love photos of my husband and kids together.

We also use each holiday to read and learn. We are choosing to teach each major holiday in a variety of religions and national holidays from a few select countries. We selected the country we live in and the two other countries my husband has citizenship from to start. We live in a diverse area so there are many religious holidays that are celebrated locally and our kids enjoy understanding what is going on.

Wearing red and taking photos, is it February again?

What types of books do your kid seem to prefer?

Dress Up

Many children enjoy playing dress up. We have a large toy box full of dress up clothes, plus a place for them to hang their favorites with accessories. While adults look at this as being silly or just for fun, there are many beneficial learning opportunities in this game.

His favorite princess dress

Self Help Skills: Learning to get dressed is clearly an important goal. This gives kids a chance to practice on their own time when you are not rushing to get somewhere.

Pirate shirt

Fine Motor: Buttons, zippers, buckles, and ties are all great fine motor activities. The clothes designed for every day dress up play (not just Halloween costumes) are often made with larger, easy to manipulate fasteners. Large buttons with even larger button holes, zippers with large teeth to help with easy grip, and buckles that are easy to hook, help build confidence when learning.

A pilot and a ninja

Pretend Play: Acting out situations is great for improving social skills. Having costumes of various occupations, leads to conversations about what they each do at work. Having animal costumes allows for teaching animal sounds, movements, and interactions.

Not a costume, dressed for school photo day

Gross Motor: The most common ways of playing in costumes around here are largely gross motor. We crawl around like animals, we rush from person to person using the stethoscope to see if everyone is healthy, we swing the soft sword in the air yelling "yar!" and we can't forget the ninja moves. Yes, I said we. Getting down on your kids level and playing with them is important and fun.

Yar!

While playing dress up may seem silly, it teaches many important skills that you child will need to learn as they grow older.

Ready for school picture day

Hitting

I would love to tell you my kids are sweet, wonderful, perfect, and would never hit (kick, bite, etc.) each other. However, that is so far from the truth it's funny. I don't have photos of my kids hurting each other because I'm always trying to stop it rather than capture it, so once again here's a post with completely inappropriate photos.

Both trying to color in the same place.

My kids aren't the most aggressive kids I've ever met, but they do need help to learn how to handle their aggression. We spent a lot of time talking about how to use our hands. "We have gentle hands. This is how I use my gentle hands. (gently rub their face) Can you show me how to use your gentle hands?" I said it so often it was driving me batty. When you add it things like "We bite food, not friends." and "We kick balls, not people." and you could summarize many months of my life. You will notice each of those examples is giving the child something to do, rather than something not to do. For a child to process a negative statement often takes more time and isn't as likely to stop the behavior.

Playing in the dog's crate.

After wondering when it was finally going to sink in one day my son was frustrated at my daughter for playing with what he wanted (she had it first). He raised his hand as if to hit her and said, "I WANT TO HIT!" My first thought was to do a celebration dance for him using his words. However, I didn't have time for that because his hand was still in the air and he was still staring her down as his face was turning red. I pulled him away and praised him for using his words, but he was still not calming down. That's when I looked around for inspiration. He needed something he could hit. That's when the new rule was instated in our house. If you want to hit, you can hit the kettle bell. You only have to hit it hard a couple of times before the idea of hitting isn't as appealing. Kicking it with bare feet will also teach a quick lesson.

Walking with her hands behind her back. Not a rule, but it does make her look like she's plotting evil.

This is a strange concept, but it works for us. Within a week of this new rule, the hitting and kicking almost completely stopped. I'm sure the fact that we had been working on it for months also had something to do with it, but I can now honestly say my kids aren't as aggressive as many children of the same age. Anytime I can prevent someone from getting hurt I take it as a victory!

Cause and Effect

Babies learn cause and effect quickly and naturally. The see that when they cry, someone picks them up. They know that when they smile, everyone smiles back. As they get older they learn what they can (and can't) pull up on, the process for sitting up, standing, and walking (and falling). Each of these has a very clear cause and effect. Children with siblings also learn about reactions to taking toys, hitting, etc. While these all happen without much intervention, other situations need to be set up for children.

Sand and Water table

Filling, pouring, and dumping are favorite activities for toddlers and all teach cause and effect. Doing these same activities with siblings and friends teach other types of lessons. We were able to get our kids a water/sand table. It came with cups, boats, shovels, and other fun toys. The first lesson they learned was what happens when you dump sand or water (or both) on yourself. This was quickly followed by learning what happens when you do it to your sibling.

Can we make a mess?

Another type of cause and effect we started teaching once the kids turned one when you make a mess, you clean it up. When they dumped out their toys, they got to pick them up again. This required a great deal of one-on-two direct instruction. "Put the truck in the bucket. Put the book on the shelf. Put the ball in the basket." It was extremely slow, but they did learn. Looking back on this a year later, I am happy to say it has mostly worked. They don't always clean up without being told (sometimes they do), but when we tell them to clean up they know what it means. They can clean up all of their toys and books with minimal instruction. By 2 years old they have also learned to clean up as they go for many things.

Splashing each other

The other side of teaching cause and effect is when they learn to control you. Every child does this - they act or react a specific way to get attention. You will see many children fall down, look to see who is watching, and then cry. If you don't react when they fall, they will likely just go on without acting hurt, unless they are truly hurt. Sometimes our kids will fall and get up and keep playing while we are trying to catch them and clean their scraped knees. We try not to play into pity parties. Our kids do know that when Mommy is frustrated, giving her a hug will make it somewhat better. They know how to make us laugh. They have learned that things they cause have an effect on others. While this seems like a simple concept, this is huge when it comes to social development.

Where's the key?

Understanding cause and effect will help children develop socially and develop scientific minds. Play doesn't have to be complicated, but it should be memorable!

Socialization

There are many different theories on when/how to socialize young children. The first type of socialization for children is through their parents and siblings. With twins, it started in the womb. For the first few months socialization was limited to family and close friends. Our kids couldn't handle getting sick so we limited their contact with everyone.

As they got older, we met other kids for play dates, explored the children's museum, and were generally out and about the town. However, I wasn't so great at being consistent with exposing them to the same children repeatedly. They weren't developing relationships or expectations of people other than our immediate family. I knew when they were a year old I wanted them enrolled in a "school" type program. The word school is in quotes because I wasn't looking for an academic, strict, sit in desks and do worksheets type program, which is what most people think. I knew I wanted the kids to attend 2 days a week and only a few hours each day.

Sweet daughter sitting in a folded up tunnel

Around here, the closest thing is called a Mother's Day Out (MDO). They are typically run by churches and start at either 12 or 18 months old. The first problem was that my kids were too young for the cut off date by a couple of weeks. I finally found one program that they could start. I had my son attend on Tuesday and Wednesday, while my daughter attended on Wednesday and Thursday. This made Tuesday Mommy/Daughter day, Thursday Mommy/Son day, and Wednesday Mommy day.

Silly son sitting in same tunnel

There were many benefits to starting at this age. The first, is exposure to germs. Without exposure to germs, kids get sick more often when they are exposed. This is why most kids get sick constantly their first year in school no matter what age they start. The great thing about starting at a year is they can quickly fight many things off. For the first 6-7 months my kids were sick every Friday and Saturday. They were almost always better by Sunday and we started the cycle again. They developed great immune systems and I don't anticipate more than a couple of illnesses in future years of school.

Happily sharing (for the moment)

The also learned to trust someone other than a parent. They learned that we would always come back for them. They learned that some rules and expectations are different with different people/environments. They learned that the world is full of more than just the two of them. I loved reading their daily reports and hearing them tell me about playing with their friends. While the place I selected was loving and full of social experiences, I wouldn't describe it as educational. Luckily, I felt like I had those needs met at home. It was reasonably priced and met our goals.

Silly daughter trying to escape the baby gate.

One of the big questions asked of parents of multiples is, "Will your kids be in the same class?" So, here's how we approached that. We have always viewed each of our kids as an individual who happened to be born on the same day rather than as a unit. We have tried, since birth, to give each of our kids individual attention and time alone so they don't always have to share everything. This was our approach for school as well. As I mentioned above, they went on different days so that they each had a Mommy and me day. While they enjoyed school, they loved having my full attention. We explored new playgrounds, which is much easier with one toddler than two. We did more complex art projects, we read books, and generally just enjoyed our time. On the days they weren't together in school they came home and played together without fighting. They were sharing and happy and life was beautiful. The other days they acted like toddlers who didn't understand how to share or how to be nice. The one day they both attended they were in the same class. Their teachers also noticed a difference. They both were more involved and did better when the other wasn't in school.

 Sweet son tired before nap time.

The main argument for keeping them in the same class is, if they are separated they will lose their twin bond. I try not to laugh when I hear this. Anyone who has multiples knows how silly this sounds. That bond is not going anywhere. The studies show twins separated at birth for decades still have that bond. How in the world these people think that a few hours a week will suddenly sever it is beyond me.

I am not saying that every set of multiples should be separated in school. Some twins (triples/etc) see themselves as a unit. Asking them to be in different classes is like asking your left leg to go to the store without you. It's absurd and will cause more pain and harm than good. This feeling of being a unit often decreases with age, which is why some people have a specific age in mind to separate them. In reality this is different for each set of multiples and should be addressed on a case by case basis.

What do you mean the costumes go here?

My kids have very different personalities and are drawn to very different social experiences. My son prefers to be in the middle of a group of boys and avoids spending time with adults that aren't family when possible. My daughter is all about being the center of attention when it comes to adults and will only play with other children if strongly encouraged. We are trying to provide comfortable, as well as new (and slightly uncomfortable) social experiences for both of them in safe environments.